As a Catholic school teacher at a private, independent all-girls school in the Philadelphia area, I have hard a constant stream of commentary, angst and fear over the coming pronouncement tomorrow that upwards of 40 (or more) diocesan schools will close or consolidate at the end of this academic year. This will represent the single largest consolidation/closure of its kind in the Church's history in the US, and it will be announced the day after Cardinal John Newman's feast day. Newman is the founding of the Catholic school system here in Philadelphia, a model that spread throughout the nation. It focused on parish-based schools, which in turn fostered a strong sense of identity based on neighborhood. I remember when I first moved to Philadelphia and came to know people who grew up in the area. When you asked where someone was from, the answer was almost always _____ parish. Not their town, not their street, not their geographic location in the sense that I understood 'home'. Your parish is your home. That has changed significantly over the years in Philadelphia as some parishes and schools have already consolidated, but tomorrow will create a whole new era of Catholic identity, parish life and education in Philadelphia, and in the United States. One of my co-workers and dear friends who is born and raised in Philadelphia, put it so poignantly: "
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Perhaps I already have enough to do all my work?
In the face of new year's resolutions, the cultural process of making plans to lose weight, exercise more, etc., I have decided to not set any new goals or resolutions. For one, this blog and year of living intentionally is certainly a work in progress... and the progress has been waining of late (though I am happy to report I successfully put away all new Christmas clothes, organized my closets and even weeded out some clothes to donate- returning to goal # 19!!) I am grateful for the sense of new beginning that comes with a 'new year', as an opportunity to re-focus my efforts and consider who I am becoming in the coming year. In addition to already having some goals set, I think a different way of approaching the new year is to focus on embracing trust in myself and God, that I can achieve, become, learn and grow. Instead of focusing on the end results or goals, I'd like to focus on the process, the journey and a way of being.
A New York Times writer just finished a great piece on the Jesuit retreat center in Wernersville, PA. This retreat center provided me with two very significant retreat experiences in my college life, times when I was particularly struggling and felt a bit lost. The retreat space, both physical and spiritual, provided time to listen, to stop filling the silence with music, conversation, tv, reading and all the other 'stuff' of my life, and really hear God's voice speaking to me in my thoughts, prayers, dreams and sometimes just in the comfortable silence. One of the lines from the NYTimes article seemed to encapsulate it all, as her spiritual director suggested, what if you already have enough to do all of your work? To really believe and to know... to have the confidence and trust that with God, you have all that you need to face whatever life brings you. To thrive, to attain fulfillment, and to live our life in trust. Worrying less and having confidence in one's self and God.... Yes, please. I'd like that.
Father Jim Martin, SJ, a great spiritual writer of late, posted a list of 12 "Really stupid things I'd like to never do again". His style of writing is accessible to me, as I can relate to what he describes and instead of feeling shame, he helps me to laugh at myself and my many human weaknesses. The first item on his list is about comparing... Something that facebook continues to invoke in me, so that after I spend thirty minutes reading my newsfeed and looking at peoples' pictures, I often log off feeling a little less jovial than I did when I logged on. It doesn't happen every time I log off, but often enough that I realize I need to compare myself less... and maybe get back to that goal of spending less time on facebook. Here's what Fr. Jim had to say about it: Compare. Ever heard the saying "Compare and despair"? Comparing yourself to someone else usually means that you imagine the other person is better off, more satisfied -- in a word, happier. But here's the problem: We end up comparing what we know about our life, which is a mixed bag of good and bad, with a fantasy of someone else's supposedly "perfect" life. Why do we do this? Because we know all about our own problems, but other people's problems are harder to see. As a result, our real life always loses out. That leads to despair. Besides, there's probably someone comparing his or her life to your supposedly perfect one -- which shows you how ridiculous it all is.
The rest of his article is here if you're willing to look in the mirror and reflect on some perhaps 'stupid' stuff you do, too. Bring your sense of humor!
A New York Times writer just finished a great piece on the Jesuit retreat center in Wernersville, PA. This retreat center provided me with two very significant retreat experiences in my college life, times when I was particularly struggling and felt a bit lost. The retreat space, both physical and spiritual, provided time to listen, to stop filling the silence with music, conversation, tv, reading and all the other 'stuff' of my life, and really hear God's voice speaking to me in my thoughts, prayers, dreams and sometimes just in the comfortable silence. One of the lines from the NYTimes article seemed to encapsulate it all, as her spiritual director suggested, what if you already have enough to do all of your work? To really believe and to know... to have the confidence and trust that with God, you have all that you need to face whatever life brings you. To thrive, to attain fulfillment, and to live our life in trust. Worrying less and having confidence in one's self and God.... Yes, please. I'd like that.
Father Jim Martin, SJ, a great spiritual writer of late, posted a list of 12 "Really stupid things I'd like to never do again". His style of writing is accessible to me, as I can relate to what he describes and instead of feeling shame, he helps me to laugh at myself and my many human weaknesses. The first item on his list is about comparing... Something that facebook continues to invoke in me, so that after I spend thirty minutes reading my newsfeed and looking at peoples' pictures, I often log off feeling a little less jovial than I did when I logged on. It doesn't happen every time I log off, but often enough that I realize I need to compare myself less... and maybe get back to that goal of spending less time on facebook. Here's what Fr. Jim had to say about it: Compare. Ever heard the saying "Compare and despair"? Comparing yourself to someone else usually means that you imagine the other person is better off, more satisfied -- in a word, happier. But here's the problem: We end up comparing what we know about our life, which is a mixed bag of good and bad, with a fantasy of someone else's supposedly "perfect" life. Why do we do this? Because we know all about our own problems, but other people's problems are harder to see. As a result, our real life always loses out. That leads to despair. Besides, there's probably someone comparing his or her life to your supposedly perfect one -- which shows you how ridiculous it all is.
The rest of his article is here if you're willing to look in the mirror and reflect on some perhaps 'stupid' stuff you do, too. Bring your sense of humor!
|
My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate. |
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Witness to passion and hope
In the days leading up to Christmas break from school, a former student came to visit and speak with my classes about her experiences studying and doing service in El Salvador. Claire is a junior at Boston College, and participated in an alternative study-abroad program run through Santa Clara University in CA. Santa Clara sponsors a program based in San Salvador, which enables students from Jesuit (and some non-Jesuit) schools throughout the US study at the University of Central America in addition to serving at various praxis sights throughout the country. It is based upon the principles of liberation theology and solidarity, enabling students from North America to walk with the people of El Salvador and learn from them.
Listening to Claire's stories and watching the passion and fire in her heart as she described who she met and all that she learned, I found myself deeply moved. There is something about working alongside the poorest of the poor that puts things in perspective a bit, pointing out what really matters: relationship, love, compassion and laughter... and points out the insanity that we often get caught up in, particularly in the Christmas season: money, competition, power and status. It is easy to lose sight of what 'really matters' living in a culture that often emphasizes 'stuff' over 'people'. But there are moments of grace, insights into the beauty of love and relationship, that ground me back in the realization of what brings true, deep and long-lasting fulfillment.
I was wasting some time yesterday on Facebook and saw a picture of another former student who goes to Saint Joe's, and she was participating in 'Unity Week', what used to be called 'Rainbow Week'... a week of events that emphasize understanding and acceptance of all people, focused primarily on sexual orientation. It made me smile, excited to imagine what this young woman and so many others will do to help bring change and compassion to our world. It just so happened that I spent the afternoon yesterday having coffee with Claire, and this other young woman happened to be at the same coffee house meeting with another former teacher from our high school... Truly, what are the chances? God's hand, providing inspiration and hope!
It's easy to get disillusioned with the 'Church' or the world in general, to focus on what isn't or what should/could be. But it is truly inspiring and gives me great hope to see these two young women, in a sea of thousands (or millions!) of passionate, inspired and motivated young people, ready to set the world on fire!
I received this poem from a friend this Christmas, and find its message to be truly profound and challenging. Enjoy and Merry Christmas :)
Listening to Claire's stories and watching the passion and fire in her heart as she described who she met and all that she learned, I found myself deeply moved. There is something about working alongside the poorest of the poor that puts things in perspective a bit, pointing out what really matters: relationship, love, compassion and laughter... and points out the insanity that we often get caught up in, particularly in the Christmas season: money, competition, power and status. It is easy to lose sight of what 'really matters' living in a culture that often emphasizes 'stuff' over 'people'. But there are moments of grace, insights into the beauty of love and relationship, that ground me back in the realization of what brings true, deep and long-lasting fulfillment.
I was wasting some time yesterday on Facebook and saw a picture of another former student who goes to Saint Joe's, and she was participating in 'Unity Week', what used to be called 'Rainbow Week'... a week of events that emphasize understanding and acceptance of all people, focused primarily on sexual orientation. It made me smile, excited to imagine what this young woman and so many others will do to help bring change and compassion to our world. It just so happened that I spent the afternoon yesterday having coffee with Claire, and this other young woman happened to be at the same coffee house meeting with another former teacher from our high school... Truly, what are the chances? God's hand, providing inspiration and hope!
It's easy to get disillusioned with the 'Church' or the world in general, to focus on what isn't or what should/could be. But it is truly inspiring and gives me great hope to see these two young women, in a sea of thousands (or millions!) of passionate, inspired and motivated young people, ready to set the world on fire!
I received this poem from a friend this Christmas, and find its message to be truly profound and challenging. Enjoy and Merry Christmas :)
"When the song of the angels is stilled,
when the star in the sky is gone,
when the kings and princes are home,
when the shepherds are back with the flocks,
then the work of Christmas begins:
to find the lost,
to heal those broken in spirit,
to feed the hungry,
to release the oppressed,
to rebuild the nations,
to bring peace among all peoples,
to make a little music with the heart…
when the star in the sky is gone,
when the kings and princes are home,
when the shepherds are back with the flocks,
then the work of Christmas begins:
to find the lost,
to heal those broken in spirit,
to feed the hungry,
to release the oppressed,
to rebuild the nations,
to bring peace among all peoples,
to make a little music with the heart…
And to radiate the Light of Christ,
every day, in every way, in all that we do and in all that we say.
Then the work of Christmas begins. -- Howard Thurman
every day, in every way, in all that we do and in all that we say.
Then the work of Christmas begins. -- Howard Thurman
Monday, December 19, 2011
Annunciation
For some reason this advent season, I've been spending a lot of time thinking about and being with Mary. It might have something to do with my rekindled obsession with Breath of Heaven, which many of my students sang at our Christmas concert last year. If you missed that, check out this great video with scenes from The Nativity: Breath of Heaven.
Much of my thought and prayer this Advent with Mary has been about trust and anticipation... awaiting the unknown and yet trusting that all will be well, even if we can't always see how that will unfold. This speaks to me on many levels of my life and I imagine it always will. The myth of certainty and guarantees has been fed to all of us in America. If you do x, y will be the result. And yet, there are many other variables that aren't included in that original equation. I can't control what other people say, I can't control health and illness, I can't control accidents, I can't control the actions of others.... but I can only control my response... and like Mary, I can trust.
A beautiful prayer and poem on the Annunciation, that moment of radical trust and assurance in the face of uncertainty and fear:
We know the scene: the room, variously furnished,
almost always a lectern, a book; always
the tall lily.
Arrived on solemn grandeur of great wings,
the angelic ambassador, standing or hovering,
whom she acknowledges, a guest.
Much of my thought and prayer this Advent with Mary has been about trust and anticipation... awaiting the unknown and yet trusting that all will be well, even if we can't always see how that will unfold. This speaks to me on many levels of my life and I imagine it always will. The myth of certainty and guarantees has been fed to all of us in America. If you do x, y will be the result. And yet, there are many other variables that aren't included in that original equation. I can't control what other people say, I can't control health and illness, I can't control accidents, I can't control the actions of others.... but I can only control my response... and like Mary, I can trust.
A beautiful prayer and poem on the Annunciation, that moment of radical trust and assurance in the face of uncertainty and fear:
By Denise Levertov
‘Hail, space for the uncontained God’
From the Agathistos Hymn, Greece, VIc
From the Agathistos Hymn, Greece, VIc
We know the scene: the room, variously furnished,
almost always a lectern, a book; always
the tall lily.
Arrived on solemn grandeur of great wings,
the angelic ambassador, standing or hovering,
whom she acknowledges, a guest.
But we are told of meek obedience. No one mentions
courage.
The engendering Spirit
did not enter her without consent.
God waited.
courage.
The engendering Spirit
did not enter her without consent.
God waited.
She was free
to accept or to refuse, choice
integral to humanness.
____________________________
Aren’t there annunciations
of one sort or another
in most lives?
Some unwillingly
undertake great destinies,
enact them in sullen pride,
uncomprehending.
More often
those moments
when roads of light and storm
open from darkness in a man or woman,
are turned away from
in dread, in a wave of weakness, in despair
and with relief.
Ordinary lives continue.
God does not smite them.
But the gates close, the pathway vanishes.
to accept or to refuse, choice
integral to humanness.
____________________________
Aren’t there annunciations
of one sort or another
in most lives?
Some unwillingly
undertake great destinies,
enact them in sullen pride,
uncomprehending.
More often
those moments
when roads of light and storm
open from darkness in a man or woman,
are turned away from
in dread, in a wave of weakness, in despair
and with relief.
Ordinary lives continue.
God does not smite them.
But the gates close, the pathway vanishes.
______________________________
She had been a child who played, ate, slept
like any other child – but unlike others,
wept only for pity, laughed
in joy not triumph.
Compassion and intelligence
fused in her, indivisible.
like any other child – but unlike others,
wept only for pity, laughed
in joy not triumph.
Compassion and intelligence
fused in her, indivisible.
Called to a destiny more momentous
than any in all of Time,
she did not quail,
only asked
a simple, 'How can this be?'
and gravely, courteously,
took to heart the angel’s reply,
perceiving instantly
the astounding ministry she was offered:
than any in all of Time,
she did not quail,
only asked
a simple, 'How can this be?'
and gravely, courteously,
took to heart the angel’s reply,
perceiving instantly
the astounding ministry she was offered:
to bear in her womb
Infinite weight and lightness; to carry
in hidden, finite inwardness,
nine months of Eternity; to contain
in slender vase of being,
the sum of power –
in narrow flesh,
the sum of light.
Then bring to birth,
push out into air, a Man-child
needing, like any other,
milk and love –
but who was God.
Infinite weight and lightness; to carry
in hidden, finite inwardness,
nine months of Eternity; to contain
in slender vase of being,
the sum of power –
in narrow flesh,
the sum of light.
Then bring to birth,
push out into air, a Man-child
needing, like any other,
milk and love –
but who was God.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Taking the time
Over the past few days, I had the opportunity to accompany 49 of my senior students on a 3 day overnight retreat. In the days that proceeded the retreat, I felt like I was burning the candle at both ends... I found myself with meetings scheduled before and after school everyday in addition to meetings scheduled during my lunch and prep periods. There was hardly time to breathe while I was in the school building, and yet I realized that I am often most productive when I am most busy. But, as retreat showed me, I also need to make the time to slow down, to listen, and to just 'be'. When I feel pulled in so many different directions, scheduling time for down time becomes another thing to do and I put myself in autopilot. Not exactly the way I planned to spend Advent.
Advent is a time of listening, of preparing and anticipating. What are some ways we can better do this? Retreat was a chance for me to plug back in to my spiritual desire to be aware of God's presence in my life, both in the big things and in the little moments. It is being more aware of the twinkle of the lights on my Christmas tree, driving around new neighborhoods to delight in their holiday cheer, or in the sipping of a cup of peppermint tea while snuggled under the covers on a particularly cold night. I guess that is why I started this whole blog in the first place, to be more aware and intentional. At the point of my half birthday and subsequent six month anniversary of my blog, it is a perfect time to check in and reconnect with my purpose and desire.
Peace and joy to all in this season of Advent!
Advent is a time of listening, of preparing and anticipating. What are some ways we can better do this? Retreat was a chance for me to plug back in to my spiritual desire to be aware of God's presence in my life, both in the big things and in the little moments. It is being more aware of the twinkle of the lights on my Christmas tree, driving around new neighborhoods to delight in their holiday cheer, or in the sipping of a cup of peppermint tea while snuggled under the covers on a particularly cold night. I guess that is why I started this whole blog in the first place, to be more aware and intentional. At the point of my half birthday and subsequent six month anniversary of my blog, it is a perfect time to check in and reconnect with my purpose and desire.
Peace and joy to all in this season of Advent!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
How has a month passed??
I was just saying to a friend this morning, I feel like the last few weeks have passed by in a blur... I don't know what exactly made that happen, though I certainly think it is connected with the fact that I haven't blogged nor gathered with my faith sharing group (well, I did go once, but that was the night we were watching the moving Bridesmaids...) It is essential to slow down every once in awhile, to listen, to contemplate and to just 'be'. I hope in the coming days of travel to different states and visiting with friends and family that we can all remember that- the importance of pausing, giving thanks, and soaking it all in. Otherwise, life does really fly by.
I was moved by a beautiful article in the Philadelphia Inquirer by one of my favorite columnists about how her year has been pretty difficult, but being able to meet people and tell their compelling stories gives her much to be thankful for- and also grounds her in the realization that although life is difficult at times, we all have much to be thankful for. Get inspired here !
Looking ahead, Ryan and I are going to host some friends for Thanksgiving next weekend... but we also volunteered to do a portion of the cooking for my side of the family tomorrow... some tasty recipes are on the way, and here's a look at a couple I am just dying to eat tomorrow!
Cider glazed Turkey
Bourbon gravy
Onion rolls
Balsamic glazed Brussels Sprouts with BACON!
So in addition to the delicious food items listed above I'd like to do a grateful list for the coming month until Christmas.... each day, at least five things I am grateful for. Here we go:
1) The yoga studio in my neighborhood. Full of amazing women, challenging practices, and ways to learn about myself without judgement (I try at least) and grow in physical and spiritual ways.
2) My dog Annie who snuggles up in my lap if I am sitting on the floor, along my side if I am in bed and always greets me with the excitement and joy that instantly brightens any day.
3) Ryan, my husband, who appreciates and enjoys the little things in life and keeps my smiling and laughing... and always makes sure I see the moon in all its beauty when we are walking Annie.
4) Seeing a former teacher from work today who is serving in Nicaragua as a missionary- listening to her passionate faith, trust and compassion moves mountains in my heart.
5) Knowing that Christmas break is just 4 weeks away! Woo hoo!
Happy Thanksgiving all! Blessings and joy to you and yours :)
I was moved by a beautiful article in the Philadelphia Inquirer by one of my favorite columnists about how her year has been pretty difficult, but being able to meet people and tell their compelling stories gives her much to be thankful for- and also grounds her in the realization that although life is difficult at times, we all have much to be thankful for. Get inspired here !
Looking ahead, Ryan and I are going to host some friends for Thanksgiving next weekend... but we also volunteered to do a portion of the cooking for my side of the family tomorrow... some tasty recipes are on the way, and here's a look at a couple I am just dying to eat tomorrow!
Cider glazed Turkey
Bourbon gravy
Onion rolls
Balsamic glazed Brussels Sprouts with BACON!
So in addition to the delicious food items listed above I'd like to do a grateful list for the coming month until Christmas.... each day, at least five things I am grateful for. Here we go:
1) The yoga studio in my neighborhood. Full of amazing women, challenging practices, and ways to learn about myself without judgement (I try at least) and grow in physical and spiritual ways.
2) My dog Annie who snuggles up in my lap if I am sitting on the floor, along my side if I am in bed and always greets me with the excitement and joy that instantly brightens any day.
3) Ryan, my husband, who appreciates and enjoys the little things in life and keeps my smiling and laughing... and always makes sure I see the moon in all its beauty when we are walking Annie.
4) Seeing a former teacher from work today who is serving in Nicaragua as a missionary- listening to her passionate faith, trust and compassion moves mountains in my heart.
5) Knowing that Christmas break is just 4 weeks away! Woo hoo!
Happy Thanksgiving all! Blessings and joy to you and yours :)
Saturday, October 22, 2011
The gift of laughter
Yesterday I found myself in a state of delirious laughter throughout my day. I was exhausted... the week had brought some late nights and early mornings due to relying on one car and other work-related and haircut-related events. And although at times my fatigue can make me a cranky, difficult-to-be-around type of person, it seemed to turn me into a gurgling baby who laughs at the slightest gesture or silly face. My students had me laughing hysterically when they told me my new haircut made me look 'young' and 'hip'... so my previous look was old and homely?! Or as I waited for Ryan to pick me up after school, I had tears in my eyes as some of the fellow teachers and I reminisced about funny moments over the last few years including some pretty hilarious Halloween costumes and related awkward situations. It made me appreciate that even when things seem stressful, exhausting or frustrating, laughter can be the best medicine. I was just reading a great article from NCR entitled "We laugh because we know who we are" and one little story particularly struck a chord with me:
'We lose our tempers and our dignity and our way. We misspeak, misstep and mess up. If we live long enough, we end the way we began, wearing diapers and eating baby food, waiting for someone to change and feed us. Pretty funny, when you think about how much time we spend protecting our dignity, our appearance and our position.
I remember a night years ago when my father was as angry as he was drunk. He resolved to go up to the bedroom he shared with my mother and lock -- really lock -- the door. He would show us. To that end, he grabbed a hammer and a can of nails. He weaved his way up the stairs, yelling at us that we would no longer be able to make his life a living hell, or words to that effect.
My father slammed the door. Soon, we heard the sounds of nails being hammered into the doorframe, mingled with the sounds of the hammer missing the nails and hitting the wood.
Now my parents’ bedroom was a large single space above the two-car garage. I don’t think the builder planned it as a bedroom, since it had neither closets nor an adjoining bath. Its primary virtue as a bedroom was its distance from mine.
The evening had been long and loud. My mother and I were tired. We stood silently at the bottom of the stairs, listening to the sounds of wood splintering above us.
I was about to turn and go to bed when my mother gestured towards the stairs and drawled, “Un-huh. Just wait till he needs to pee.”
A beat, then I started to laugh. My mother started to laugh. We looked at one another and began to howl, full out eyes-watering, nose-running, snorting laughter.
I don’t remember how long we laughed that night, but I do remember how the gloom evaporated and the power of my father’s wrath was destroyed. I think it was the image of my father pulling out the nails, one by one, in a race against time (not to mention his bowels and bladder) that dispelled the sense of his power.
Free men and women laugh. They laugh because they know who they are, and who they are is not God, upper or lower case. Indeed, laughter may be the surest way to know and acknowledge one’s place in the cosmos, one’s place as creature and not creator.'
Though the story is obviously heart-breaking in some respects, it also celebrates the power of laughter and joy and its ability to overcome suffering and anger. One of my favorite writers of late, Fr. Jim Martin, just published a book about the importance of laughter and joy, particularly in the spiritual life. He makes the connection that humor shows hospitality, and we can make people feel welcome by laughing together. What a simple, and yet insightful point to make. Often when I am teaching about specific areas of sexuality, I have to pause and point out the fact that some of the words are just so awkward to say, and it helps to break the ice and sets me at ease (and hopefully my students!!). Fr. Jim created a mini-video about an experience he had while traveling in Africa and how humor made him feel comfortable among strangers in a somewhat awkward situation. Check it out here.
As life continues to unfold and I realize that much of life is out of my control (often to my dismay), I find myself better suited to laugh than to fight against it... It might be laughing at the amazing dance that Ryan and I do in imitation of a Patriots player (it involves doing criss-cross motions with your hands over your knees while simultaneously kicking up your feet- one at a time- and staying on your heels-- just ask me to do it, preferably in a crowded public place) or watching someone really get down, singing and dancing to music while sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, or just laughing at myself... my ridiculous attempts to be 'edgy' and 'hip' and act like I know any of the pop culture references my students make... or when I tried to do a difficult yoga move this morning and flew off my mat and fell on my face! Amazing. And, the teacher reminded me, you've got to fall a few times before you can fly. So you might as well just have some fun while doing it!
I got to spend some time today with a good friend who is in the dredges of graduate school, internships and residential ministry.... in the midst of all the intensity, she attended a workshop on Friday about humor in the spiritual life. I am totally jealous of her, but for now, I will just have to thrive off of the wisdom of Jim Martin... here's another little nugget for you! Enjoy!
'We lose our tempers and our dignity and our way. We misspeak, misstep and mess up. If we live long enough, we end the way we began, wearing diapers and eating baby food, waiting for someone to change and feed us. Pretty funny, when you think about how much time we spend protecting our dignity, our appearance and our position.
I remember a night years ago when my father was as angry as he was drunk. He resolved to go up to the bedroom he shared with my mother and lock -- really lock -- the door. He would show us. To that end, he grabbed a hammer and a can of nails. He weaved his way up the stairs, yelling at us that we would no longer be able to make his life a living hell, or words to that effect.
My father slammed the door. Soon, we heard the sounds of nails being hammered into the doorframe, mingled with the sounds of the hammer missing the nails and hitting the wood.
Now my parents’ bedroom was a large single space above the two-car garage. I don’t think the builder planned it as a bedroom, since it had neither closets nor an adjoining bath. Its primary virtue as a bedroom was its distance from mine.
The evening had been long and loud. My mother and I were tired. We stood silently at the bottom of the stairs, listening to the sounds of wood splintering above us.
I was about to turn and go to bed when my mother gestured towards the stairs and drawled, “Un-huh. Just wait till he needs to pee.”
A beat, then I started to laugh. My mother started to laugh. We looked at one another and began to howl, full out eyes-watering, nose-running, snorting laughter.
I don’t remember how long we laughed that night, but I do remember how the gloom evaporated and the power of my father’s wrath was destroyed. I think it was the image of my father pulling out the nails, one by one, in a race against time (not to mention his bowels and bladder) that dispelled the sense of his power.
Free men and women laugh. They laugh because they know who they are, and who they are is not God, upper or lower case. Indeed, laughter may be the surest way to know and acknowledge one’s place in the cosmos, one’s place as creature and not creator.'
Though the story is obviously heart-breaking in some respects, it also celebrates the power of laughter and joy and its ability to overcome suffering and anger. One of my favorite writers of late, Fr. Jim Martin, just published a book about the importance of laughter and joy, particularly in the spiritual life. He makes the connection that humor shows hospitality, and we can make people feel welcome by laughing together. What a simple, and yet insightful point to make. Often when I am teaching about specific areas of sexuality, I have to pause and point out the fact that some of the words are just so awkward to say, and it helps to break the ice and sets me at ease (and hopefully my students!!). Fr. Jim created a mini-video about an experience he had while traveling in Africa and how humor made him feel comfortable among strangers in a somewhat awkward situation. Check it out here.
As life continues to unfold and I realize that much of life is out of my control (often to my dismay), I find myself better suited to laugh than to fight against it... It might be laughing at the amazing dance that Ryan and I do in imitation of a Patriots player (it involves doing criss-cross motions with your hands over your knees while simultaneously kicking up your feet- one at a time- and staying on your heels-- just ask me to do it, preferably in a crowded public place) or watching someone really get down, singing and dancing to music while sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, or just laughing at myself... my ridiculous attempts to be 'edgy' and 'hip' and act like I know any of the pop culture references my students make... or when I tried to do a difficult yoga move this morning and flew off my mat and fell on my face! Amazing. And, the teacher reminded me, you've got to fall a few times before you can fly. So you might as well just have some fun while doing it!
I got to spend some time today with a good friend who is in the dredges of graduate school, internships and residential ministry.... in the midst of all the intensity, she attended a workshop on Friday about humor in the spiritual life. I am totally jealous of her, but for now, I will just have to thrive off of the wisdom of Jim Martin... here's another little nugget for you! Enjoy!
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