The last two weeks have flown by and I am sad that I didn't make the time to blog in the whirlwind of being back to school, visiting with family and friends, and just looking to find a balance in the midst of it all. Getting adjusted to the school schedule and being 'on' in classes all day has taken a toll on me, but I've also been energized by some great conversations and enthusiasm in the new classes I am teaching this year. One of the biggest mantras I am holding on to is to focus on the positive, to celebrate what is right, and to let go of frustrations, anxiety or uncertainty. In the continual process of strategic planning at school, I participated in a summit gathering of various 'stakeholders' connected with our school last weekend. As a starting point for our gathering, we watched the 'Celebrating What's Right with the World' video that I've been obsessed with for the last few weeks. It was interesting to hear parents, alum and board members react to this approach and attitude. It's contagious really, and seems to direct us towards happiness and fulfillment. I am so grateful to be in a place where contemplation and honesty are valued. My students have helped to create a board in my classroom, composed of various pictures and quotes, that celebrates what is right in their worlds. Every opportunity I get to glance at the images, I am instantly transported to a place of gratitude and joy, and can't help but have a huge smile on my face.
At the event last weekend, I shared with some more people about my desire to develop a faith sharing gathering for faculty/staff/administration at school, and the idea was meet with enthusiasm, encouragement and excitement. At least I was feeling excited. So I bit the bullet and on Wednesday morning, I wrote an email (after several drafts adjusted and clarified by my bsb-best school bud) to everyone at school, explaining what I had in mind, and inviting people to come to a planning session this Tuesday (to share ideas, plan times/dates, etc.). I am willing to plan/prep the first few gatherings but would hope it becomes more collaborative (not just because I don't want the added responsibility, but because I am curious how other people encounter the divine). So I took a risk, and as soon as I clicked 'send', my heart raced. I ran across the hall to tell my fellow theology teachers that the email had been sent. Why was I suddenly so nervous? I guess I felt vulnerable, and for some reason, worried that people might make fun of me or think I am strange. Well, let's be honest, I know I am strange. But I didn't realize I was so afraid of being mocked. It was a very eye-opening moment for me. And so I try to find the balance, to maintain focus on what I believe is really most important, despite my own fears or short-comings. Maybe I need to spend some time with this whole 'fear'. We'll see what that's all about...
A Sister of Saint Joseph passed away two weeks ago, and she was described by many as a spiritual base for the community. She gave a retreat to our faculty a couple of years ago, and invited us to each take a heart at the end of the day, each inscribed with different words. My heart says balance. I still have it, and still need to focus on it (obviously). Her life, her spiritual gifts, continue to be far-reaching. Balance. My heart doesn't just say balance, my heart yearns for it. Balance.
Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony. -Thomas Merton
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